Miss Haana and I have fights fairly frequently. One every few hours wouldn't be an over estimate. Mostly they are short fights, where I am firm on my stance but not too mad (in my mind anyway). The tiff ends quickly enough with warm hugs and sweet kisses.
And then once in a while there are those bad fights where I end up really angry and it sends me flying downhill at break neck speeds. I loose all my cool, get really mad, I scold her and say all kinds of mean things to her. She mostly grows silent. She feels bad and whimpers softly. Sometimes she cries out for Papa. It fills me, at that moment, with more irritation and sometimes, with a brief spark of satisfaction at seeing my anger have some effect on her. When she feels bad for a bit longer, and i finally look at her, all my anger leaves me instantly. And I feel so bad, so guilty, so repentant for being so mean.
Today when we just had such a fight and I felt bad after, I cuddled up with her later. She asked me for her book reading. It was bedtime story time. I started reading the book, but then stopped mid way to tell her I love her. And that I'm so sorry for saying mean things. I didn't mean then afterall. That I'm proud of her. And did I mention, I love her? Little miss Haana smiled and said I love you too mumma. You should not get so angry (i agreed). Now read! Read mumma! You're wasting time😊
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