Who's Stress Is That, Anyway?

Here there are the beautiful weather days in Dallas. Suhaana mausam (melodiously pleasant weather). And to celebrate them as such, we decided to picnic by the lake with friends of ours' last Sunday.

When we reached, the little doll was asleep. A rickety stroller ride on the grass didn't wake her up either. But as I moved in on the food, she woke up. Inspite of usually being quite happy outdoors (she literally giggles with joy as soon as we take her out for evening walks closer to home), something didn't feel good to her. Poor little doll started crying, and so inconsolably, we didn't know what to do. We tried the distractions, the walkings, the talkings, but the sobs continued. We all packed up early to head back. I felt really bad for her, but only until we got back in the car and headed back. Because as we did that, suddenly all was well again.

Which gets me to the most intriguing, million dollar, soul searching question of all times... Why do babies cry? The next day, I hit the internet forums, to search for other parents who might have been in our predicament.. any insights they might have gained. Any wisdom they may have acquired. But found a large volume of similar sounding advice, none of which fit her case. (Everybody claims all ailments with babies 6 months of age are related to teething. But, what kind of teething pain would start as soon as we reach the lake, and vanish as soon as we're back in the car?)

As her doctor says (when I've grilled her for answers on previous occassions), "One may never know why the baby cries". But as a child psychologist says (found this on an online forum yesterday): "Some of the crying is actually good for the baby. It releases stress". To which, I'd say, I'm not sure who's stress my doll might be releasing by crying. But it sure isn't mine! And doesn't look like her's is getting released either..

What a boast-er!

I'm having a hard time resisting the urge to just walk up to just any/every one in the hallway and boasting how my cute, little girl is crawling and going places!

The Landmark of Crawling

Yesterday was a landmark day! Remember the crawling that Suhaana has been almost able to do but then not quite yet? She would get on all fours, take one step forward and then fall on her chest? Well, we just graduated from that class! As of yesterday, the little girl is able to go places now. She crawls! Me and Raj were just looking at each other laughing in disbelief as the little doll was coolly striding away on the carpet.

In fact it would've been a landmark day even without the crowning jewel of crawling under Suhaana's belt. When I kept her down on the carpet to play yesterday, I thought she would lie down and roll over. But instead, she sat! She had been an assisted sitter for the last few weeks - she was able to sit with some back support. But as of yesterday afternoon, she was sitting by herself, with her little doll and looking around at toys to pat and smash nearby! I was amazed at how coolly she was sitting by herself, looking around; as I was hovering around trying to get a good picture of this new feat.

I should add, at this point, that as of last week, the little girl has also been walking by holding hands. We actually took a video of this one (turns out we're far behind on keeping up with her, she's doing something new every day!). Some days I just stack her next to the sofa, and she's able to stand for a few seconds holding the sofa seat with her hands. If she sees something on one corner that she wants to grab with her hands, she slides towards it rather quickly. If the sofa seat has the ipad and photos she can look at and shining screen that actually does something as she touches it, the standing lasts longer.

Her grandmother (my mom) who joins us next week, can't wait to get her hands on her. And as much as I already smother her, niether can I.

Friends

When they initially met, they didn't hit it off very well. In fact, I distinctly remember Suhaana outrightly dashing all my hopes of their togetherness by grimacing on their first meeting.

But slowly, they learnt to tolerate each other. With each passing day, little by little, they grew more fond of each other. And then came a stage when they grew to be best friends almost. But then, suddenly, the friendship cooled off. They're no arch enemies, but no friends either.

Such has been the topsy-turvy journey of the friendship between Suhaana and her Pacifier.

Half Year Checkup

Last week was Suhaana's half year check up. And after the question-and-answer session with her doctor, that meant it was time for vaccinations. One oral vaccine and two shots at either leg. And while she did cry, it wasn't too bad. Here's how it happened:

(Vaccine-nurse enter. I sign digital form that okays them to stick a needle into the little one.)
Suhaana lying on the table.
Nurse starts with oral vaccine: sticks the oral syringe (not a syringe at all, more like a travel size toothpaste tube) into her mouth.
Little girl doesn't appreciate this but is still curious about this new thing in her mouth.
Second or two elapse.
She's made up her mind about it, she doesn't like it one bit. Grimaces.
Time for the real syringes now. Nurse trying to clamp down her leg.
Little girl realizes somethings' up. Revolts albeit weakly at first.
Syringe 1 poke.
Ouch-moment crying.
Quick clamp down leg 2.
How-dare-you crying.
Syringe 2 poke.
Mix of ouch-and-get-me-outta-here crying.
Done, nurse is out of the room.
Angry crying.
I pick up my poor little baby! I feel for her..
The doll, sensing that the worst is probably over, calms down, relaxes a little. Crying is over.
I get her into a sling and wear her right next to me.
On my way out, I stop to make the next appointment for her 9th month checkup.
Little girl is fidgety. Her legs are probably paining.
I get her into the car soon.
My doll is visibly fidgety and uneasy.
I quickly get behind the wheel, switch radio to FM 101.1 Classical Music; I'm thinking it may calm her by listening to some soothing music.
Little doll growing more and more uneasy. A little whiny now. Things are heading south.
Damage control.. I switch radio channels, turn to Classic Rock.
Something strikes a chord with her. Suddenly, all's well in Suhaana-land.
I realize there's something she did inherit from me after all!

Back to Work. Day 1,2 and 3.

And finally the day arrived. April 15th. Tax day, yes. But also marked in red on my calendar as the day I join back work. After a break of 6 months and 22 days. And ever since I'd committed to joining in on 4.15, the days have been rolling off at an even faster pace.

It's my third day back at work today, and even though the first day is supposed to be the hardest, it hasn't gotten any easier so far. In fact, I have a feeling this is going to get a whole lot harder. That is because while I'm doing just half days for the first two weeks, I'll move into the usual full day schedules from week 3, and that's when things would get busy.

That said, I do have a lot to be thankful for. I'm getting back to an excellent team - folks I've worked with, known and been friends with for a long time. I feel quite fortunate to know such good people and to work with them. My boss is someone who values me immensely and has been especially flexible towards all my requests and needs. I had been postponing getting back to work for quite some time now, but he's been very, very understanding. I also, requested to do only half days for the first two weeks, to ease into the work schedule and have someone watching the little girl. I feel like I'm getting back amongst friends.

Even so, the drive from home to work on day 1, was the bad. Since the night before, I felt so uneasy. It was as if I were going for a big test. I could barely sleep the night before. And that morning, I felt strangely numb. Little Suhaana was sleeping unaware. She'd gotten up several times during the night, and Raj had taken up the night duty. But as I was getting ready to leave, she was deep in her beauty sleep. Lying on her tummy, a cute little, inviting, cuddle-fest. Anyhow, I tried not to wake her up, and left before 8am.

At work, my team had, quite characteristically, hidden my work computer, and replaced it with a museum grade typewriter from the year 1830 (the latest technology desktop - they claimed), added 3 more telephone lines to make it look like the command center for all defects; and amassed a huge pile of documents-to-be-taken-care-of.. the "In" pile. We laughed about it for hours. Most of the day I answered questions about how Suhaana is. Leading right up to a welcome lunch.

Day 2 starting off was actually worse. The little girl was up, had just been fed (by Raj again) and was busy with her morning round of fun-n-games on the bed next to Raj. It was harder leaving her behind this time.

Day 3 morning was quite similar to Day 2. The tiny cuddle-ball had just gotten up as I was leaving at 6:40am. Just in time for me to smother her with kisses, as she gave me the are-we-done-yet look :)

I might sound a bit weepy, and though I'm glad to see all my good friends and great coworkers; it's still hard getting back to work. And though getting back to work, and into an active technical area was always a given for me, the real question being only when, and not whether; I still question if this arrangement is what is best for Suhaana. Especially as I look for and sift through the options of care centers and nannies for her from her 10th month. (My mom who gets here in 2 weeks, would leave by then.) Yesterday, I went to tour a montessory/care center for her; and I was reading some papers on their policies, that went into detail talking about how early parents need to pick up their sick child, and how long they must wait before they can send their sick child back to the center. Just the tone sounded like the child ends up being a pass-the-buck-liability between the center and the parents. I do realize I'm being overly touchy about this, but for anything else (including work), I wouldn't think of my child as a liability I need to manage between work. Meanwhile, the little girl has more smothering hugs headed her way as soon as I get off from work.

The big splash in town

Splash! Splitter! Splash. Splash..
That's the sound of my little doll in her bath tub. And bath times have never been that much fun before she figured out that kicking in the air is fun.. But kicking in water is what makes for the big splash!

From Tripod to Table

Sifting through some photos, shouldn't call them old photos, they're just from 2 or 3 weeks back. And I realized I forgot to log this:
What started off as a tripod is now a table. This little girl Suhaana keeps trying to get up, and reach places , touch enticing new things and finally put them in her mouth. But earlier she was not able to get up much at all. Up until 2-3 weeks back, she would get on her tummy and either be able to get up on her legs or be able to get up on her hands, both wouldn't happen at the same time. So, she used to end up doing a combination.


She would get on her tummy, get up on her hands, look around and chart out interesting toys to taste, then fall back on her tummy. Then get up on her legs, her head sliding away on the carpet or mattress as she charts her way in the general direction of the toy. I used to call this one her tripod stage- with her feet and head sliding away on the carpet and her butt kissing the sky!

But no more. She's graduated since. Now she's able to quickly get on her tummy and get on all fours. I'm watching out for that initial first step of crawling stage. So far, she takes one step then falls over. I don't think that counts.. But we're very, very close.,

Dont be too quick to judge.

Let's not be too quick as to judge a parent. There is not a stress test on the planet to emulate the kind of stress a parent's last nerve gets put through..

Most first time parents..

Most first time parents have never experienced a dependence so complete as a newborn's. A newborn baby has such intense needs - not just for being fed and changed; but also for comfort, love, warmth and affection. I remember (it's going to be half a year now already!) feeling totally surprised at just how big a tiny baby's needs are.

But, on the same note, most first time parents have never experienced a trust so complete and absolute as an infant's in her parents. I don't think many civilians get into a situation where someone trusts them with their life. And yet, parents are there every day, every single minute of each day.

And even if it is argued that the trust and connection that an infant has with the parents are purely evolution-driven, hard-wired survival instincts; the love a parent feels welling in your heart as you stare into the smiling, mischievious eyes of an infant and ask her what the recent sounds from the diaper were all about; or as she falls asleep in the arms - is so unparalleled with any feeling, any love you've ever experienced before. So intense and powerful. And with all the diaper changes and midnight getting out of bed, it is this love that can not be truely explained.

Tornado Heading Our Way

A couple days ago our area saw somewhere between 6 to 12 tornadoes (the exact number pending investigative reports). And while the tornado headed our way, Suhaana was made to wade it our in her car seat below the dining table. Suhaana was quite puzzled initially at why she was strapped into the car seat, but not loaded into the big bouncer (car) and going anywhere. She had that "Are we going yet" look for a precious few seconds, quickly giving away to "Get me outta here"! But here's what unravelled:

The morning started like any other. Quite pleasant spring day. I checked the weather online and it only said thunderstorm warning. I thought.. no big deal. Thunderstorms come and go, and if indoors, rarely mean much.

Then, in about two hours, in the middle of the afternoon (about 1pm) it was getting very dark. I stood outside with Suhaana for a bit. It was dark and very still. Not a leaf was moving. I mused, this looks like the still before the storm, laughed about it and headed indoors.

In less than an hour, I was deep into the laptop, when I got a phonecall. It was a friend saying that a tornado is heading directly towards us, in 10 minutes. Take shelter!! As soon as I kept the phone, the sirens went off. Tornado sirens. Alarm gave way to fear. Switched on the TV, and they were showing sattelite images of tornadoes heading directly our way. Rain had started and with it, hail too. I rackled my brain for the safest place to be at home. The bedrooms and closets are upstairs. And the downstairs is pretty open and airy. Finally decided after consultation with Raj, downstairs below the dining table it is. I put the little girl in her car seat, strapped her nice and snug. Got to the middle of the house below the dining table. Raj called up, and another friend. They were at work, and all of them had been told to head to shelter areas immediately.

Luckily our community did not get effected directly. But nearby cities and counties - merely 20-30 minutes drive got hit very bad with lots of homes damaged.

By the evening, all this had passed, and we were seeing images and videos on the TV and internet.. of trucks and 18 wheelers flying in the air like paper planes... pretty crazy!

Crawling on a Treadmill

These days, in a bid to start crawling, strange things are happening. Earlier, when on her tummy, she either would be able to get her arms stretched out or, would be able to have her legs straightened out. Both wouldn't happen together. Now, she can have both the arms and legs stretched, so she can actually get off the ground on her hands and knees. But, instead of taking a step to go forward, she just leans forward and backward.

It reminds of a certain pelvic tilt exercise recommended during pregnancy. It also looks to me like she's trying to crawl but not getting anywhere - like crawling on a treadmill!

Rough Nights (continues)

Turns out I was wrong. Either that or I'm digging my own grave.

Last week, as the little girl was getting up in the dead of the night, unpacifiable (just invented that word), I was dead sure it wasn't for hunger. I tried everything including sideways sleeping which I theorized was going to be the key to my beauty sleep. Well, it wasn't.

But turns out, when offered milk, she did finish the bottle (thank you very much) in a hurry.

I'm usually all against setting bad precedents. And adding a graveyard-shift snack time would fall squarely into that prescient. But, since nothing else had worked, I resigned myself to this new 3am snack time. And while she would otherwise cry for hours at a stretch, the snack does seem to pacify her so far.

On the other hand, this may be a sign of the times to come. Where no longer do we (as parents) dictate the goings in our lives. (that may take some getting used to!)
..

Three states of matter: gas, liquid and solid

After surviving on the first two for more than 5 months, Suhaana finally started on the third: solids.
It's been two weeks, that we finally started her on rice cereal. I had heard so much about "expect tongue thrust for two weeks", where babies reject whatever is pushed in their mouth, that I was quite surprised when she seemed quite accepting right off the bat.

The other day, while feeding the little girl, she seemed to be so very excited about eating her once-a-day rice cereal meal, that I was amazed. And also all appreciative about her eating habits. It seemed like she couldn't wait to get next bite into her mouth. She was actually getting annoyed if the spoon was pulled out of the mouth. And while I was all appreciative, to my dismay, I realized very quickly, her excitement was in fact for the spoon.

I'd gotten rubber tipped spoons for her, and she was dying to chew on them. She couldn't care much about what the spoon came laden with. It was the spoon she wanted!