Suhaana

Right now outside the balcony door, is such beautiful, beautiful weather(mausam in Hindi).

Unusually and unexpectedly warm. Just moments after an equally unexpected fragrant light rain. Diffused moonlight filtering from dispersed clouds. Brief reflections in puddles. Twinkling like stars. Fluttering momentarily. Wind that's faint, like a mild fragrance. Like a pleasant thought in recalling. A prelude to summer. Like a brief window of time - an escape, a calling. Enjoyable, like a secret!

In two words - Suhaana mausum(weather)!

You Get What You Give

When I point one finger at someone there are three more pointing back at me.

So it should be no surprise when I have my one hand patting a little baby to sleep, there's one tiny hand patting me back.

Ants

It was an interesting day today. While the rest of the country, especially the north east turns into a deep freezer, we had a summery 77F out here. That might mean many things to many people, but for me that means Suhaana and I are going out walking in the evening.

Instead of going to our usual playground, we took a detour. Brisk walked (that will have to do for now till I figure out the time slot in my day for some real workout) to a different playground farther off. It had sloping grass patch on which the little girl loved to run around: Climb up the slope, then scuttle down. Then run back up the slope to where Mommy is. Give her a hug, then run back down. Then run up the slope. Come close to Mumma, she's expecting to catch me now, but dodge her and run back down hill..
The little one had a blast!

Then, we packed up from there and headed to another play area- the evening was far from over. More slides to slide on, wood chips to collect and running around to do. I caught up with a friend of mine at the playground while keeping an eye on her. When we were ready to leave, Suhaana came running to me throwing her hands about, fussing. I picked her up and saw her hands, there were several ants sticking to her palm. And in all the throwing her hands about, she wasn't even letting me brush them off. Even when I held her hand tightly, the ants were really stuck on her palm. I was so anxious to get them off and dying inside thinking they must be biting her. Finally all the ants were off and we bid our good byes to my friend and were off headed home. I was expecting the hand to hurt and itch her - but thankfully she was just fine soon after. A hand wash and creme later, there were some damages (mild swelling in the hand), but it could've been so much worse(if it really bothered her).

All's well that ends well!

Whistle Blower

When a cat sits on a hot kettle, she learns never to sit on a hot kettle again. But what she would never do again also - is never sit on a cold kettle either. In this case the cat is me.

When Suhaana was even smaller, a whistle from the pressure cooker used to spook her out. She would scream and sob inconsolably. I would hold her in my arms, reason with her, it's only a cooker. Then, over to Raj and he would do much of the same. No - the whistle is the enemy. Ultimately the only way things would work is if Raj takes little Suhaana out for a walk and come back only when we're in a whistle-free home.

With time, we just stopped using the pressure cooker- no whistle means no problems. And the whistle scare just came up today when I was talking to a friend. And I realized its been a while since Suhaana heard the whistle because we just stopped using the cooker that whistles. So I wonder if she's grown out of her scare or not. Turns out I might be the one who's scarred enough from Suhaana's crying and scare, that I banished the whistle blower altogether.
I think an experiment to learn if the little baby's grown out of it may be in order some day. Not today. Tomorrow doesn't look good either. But some day.

Cat in the Playground

Today at the playground, Suhaana found a small green cap - of a soft drink bottle. I was watching her from a distance. She was pleased with her findings and flaunted it to me from the distance. Soon the trophy was headed to her mouth. I signaled "No eating!" - from where I was. I call it remote monitoring! She giggled - like this was our shared secret - we both knew this was not to be eaten. We both knew she didn't mean to eat it. We both knew its just too tempting to try to taste it! We both knew!

I called out- "Suhaana, that's a CAP". After a pause, she went "Miao".. And then again and again. More "Miao. Miao. Miao"!
I realized, she thought I said CAT!! It was hilarious because regardless, she kept on miao-wing for a while.

First Haircut Certificate

I quote "This certificate is presented to Suhaana this 13th day of January 2013 for meeting all the requirements of a first haircut with courage and bravery!"

It also has a little curl of her hair locked away for saving into the baby book :-)

Where Is the Key?

Maybe this is an integral part of being a parent and working.. I feel guilty - about not spending enough time with Suhaana. About not doing enough things with her. About someone else taking care of her. Of just the fact that I'm not around for at least some part of her day. It is intense.

And there are two sides to this coin as well. I have a mind that needs constant prevalent engagement. I was off for 7 months when Suhaana was born. Before I took off for maternity I had some trepidations: I knew I was embarking on a very special journey, full of new adventures. But I had never been not working and not studying. I wondered how being out of the workforce will work out for me. It was a discovery process.

What I learned was that initially, when you become a new parent, life is such a fast roller coaster ride, you seldom get an opportunity for a moment of thought. There were times when I was brushing my teeth (for the 1st time that day) at 5pm. But then, with time, when things start settling in, the brutality of the repetition of chores starts taking it's toll - mentally and physically. There were times when I was on the phone with some of my friends and sobbing! I think it was also that the changes in life style had a certain level of unexpectedness to them. I wasn't prepared. But even then, once things settle down, life was much better. I look back at my maternity leave with some lessons learned, but mostly - happiness :)

What also helped me stabilize, was the fact that after things settled down, I used to take out a few hours (usually just 1 hour) every day for my side-project - technical side project. I wouldn't say I'm geeky enough to do coding "for fun". But, that 1 hour of engagement when I wrestle with technical issues, was enriching! It gave me an alternate reality almost, and I needed that get-away for a little bit.

So I guess what I'm saying is, these are both aspects that are important to me. Suhaana comes first for everything in my life. But me feeling like I'm in a balanced place where I feel challenged, is also important to me. The key is to find the right balance. Now if I can only find where I kept he key!