STAAR

I've been avoiding writing about the STAAR test. But here goes..

This is 3rd grade and little miss Haana will be writing her STAAR test for the first time this grade. STAAR, are a series of standardized tests used in Texas public primary and secondary schools to assess a student's achievements and knowledge learned in the grade level. In short, a big final exam! :(

Since little miss Haana is in LEAP advanced academic program, she was to take 3rd grade reading and 5th grade math test.

This year has been very hard. I've worried about her screen time. Add to that, that this year she'll give the STAAR test too. She's been a remote student all year, and it hasn't agreed with her at all. Looking at a screen all day is hard even for adults, but at her age, she craved to move about, have actual conversations, hang out with friends. Her teachers have told us she has been having trouble focussing in the all day video meetings. 

First Raj, then I, decided to spend some time with her outside school time, to work with her for a few minutes everyday. This had varying levels of success with me. Some days, she'll corporate, and we'll be done soon. Other days she'll resist, and we will have a fight on our hands. 

With STAAR in the horizon, I talked to her about focussing on getting good grades for all the time she's already put into learning the concepts and practicing. I talked to her about focussing so she doesn't make silly mistakes. The test format is a multiple choice; which means getting an answer wrong because you made a silly mistake or bevause you had no idea what to do, are both rated the same- wrong. 

One day, she had spent a few minutes practicing some math questions, and got most of them incorrect due to silly mistakes even though she knew all the concepts. We were talking about it, laying in bed just before falling asleep. I was not happy. She realized i was disappointed, though i didnt say anything, and kind of shrunk away. I asked her what's wrong. She said this- "I know you're sad because of me. And i wanted to make you happy. But I think if I were never born, then you wouldn't be sad right now".

Oh my God!!! What have i become! A high expectation parent? What is she saying.. if she were never born? Then I wouldn't know anything.. i wouldn't know such a wonderful beautiful person as her. I wouldn't know a love so intense it scares me. I wouldn't know such a perfect thing could exist as her. I wouldn't know fun like the way she and i share silly things together. I wouldn't live and love like this if it weren't for her. My life, all changed the moment she stepped into my life. And i'm having her think she's a disappointment!!! :-( I got tears in my eyes, we both did. I'm soo sorry, my sweet little miss Haana. 

We patched up with loads of hugs and kisses before little miss Haana went to sleep that night. I told Raj about what she said later that night. And Raj said something so good and right, he said -"I decided i will not be a pressuring parent laser focused on grades, like how we grew up. I will try to keep her focus on learning in stead of grades". I agree completely. Learning how to learn requires making mistakes, not being afraid of them, and then continuing through them. That's what i wanted to inculcate in her too. But somewhere I got roped into grades too. I hope its not too late for me to change.