Do I need help or not?

It wasn't easy getting here, but I did finally reach the conclusion that I need household help now with Suhaana.
I used to, and still do, wonder how people with no outside help manage.

How do they do it? And why can't I, if they can. Ultimately, after wrestling with it for awhile, I decided, I am who I am, I value my health enough to get help when I need.

Anyhow, I soon stumbled upon another perplexing issue. I got help so that I have someone who can take care of Suhaana for a few hours a day, so I can get some household chores done or take a break. But, I soon realized I don't like anyone from outside taking care of my little girl.

I feel so protective; as if anyone from outside wouldn't be doing a good enough job, and wouldn't be doing it quite right. That and, I feel too possessive of the little girl to appreciate any outsider getting too close to her. I say outsider, because I don't include family or close friends in this predicament. It's strange and unexplained in the sense that the whole reason of getting help was to help me get a break. But when I did get the help, I don't want the help helping out!

I'm pretty sure I need the help, but do I want it is the question.