New Bundle Of ...

This is something that quite surprised me when Suhaana was just born. The newborn days are quite intense in that it's a big change for the parents - well, for first time parents. The relative carefree lifestyle we were living was completely overhauled as soon as the baby entered the picture. I was amongst the youngest kids in my family, so I never really knew quite what to expect, the true intensity of how much life changes when a baby arrives- overnight.

The first few days of parenthood were simply magical.. I was awe struck by this tiny little fragile thing, I could hardly take my eyes off of her. I remember the first night, I couldn't sleep a wink because I couldn't bear to close my eyes and not see her. When I told some friends and family about this, they laughed at me. Veteran parents know how quickly sleep and exhaustion catches up with you. And how intense it can be initially.

We were so exhausted, sleep deprived and sore, I must admit, there were a few times when I would look back at my life from not so long ago, with somewhat of a nostalgia. Not because I didn't appreciate this cute little bundle that had just gotten added in our lives. No, I was and am, so very thankful and grateful for it. But just nostalgic about the life we had lived just as a couple so far. I was having transition troubles.

And then I used to wonder: In India, everyone says a child cements the bonds that hold a marriage together. What I experienced was quite the opposite. For one, the initial days were so stressful and exhausting. I found out I'm not a very amiable or optimistic person when I haven't slept much for days. And the traditional outlook of children being just pure, overwhelming joy of bonding was in such stark contrast with what I was experiencing- it made me worry sometimes- am I the only one who's having a hard time? For whom this exquisite joy has come bundled in exhaustion to the verge of depression?

Then the other day i was reading this book: Brain Rules for children 0-5 by John Medina and there's a quote about conclusion of study by the Journal of Family Psychology: "In sum, parenthood hastens marital decline - even among relatively satisfied couples who select themselves into the transition." It seems most of the parents experience being overwhelmed by the thrust of responsibilities and sudden lack of even a moment for themselves, least of all for each other.

But it's not all hopeless. In fact situations improve quickly. And discovering and going through these incredible changes together does form a bonding relationship. Just don't expect that to happen in the first month of the baby.