Momentarily Quenched

Middle school has not been kind to me. Apart from the logistics and the tactical issues (after and before school activities ending on different times every weekday, getting cancelled with no patchy communication), little miss Haana has decided she's all grown up. She moved out to her own bedroom. Not only does she not sleep with me anymore, she goes to school, comes back and then she's always either busy with homework or some other activity or in her room. I feel like she's not around anymore, even though we stay in the same house and I miss her!

Of course my missing her manifests in random ways including getting irritated with her for all kinds of things including reading books (where is the time for Mumma?!). I try to remind her that I miss her and this weekend we did go out for walks. I felt momentarily quenched. Only for so long though!

Electives

Middle school is coming soon. I'm not ready for it. I would rather we stayed in preschool where little miss Haana is 5 years old and can sit on my lap. And yet, here we are!

Some of us are very excited about middle school. We've had a tour of the school, the teachers seem really nice and driven! In 6th grade they get to decide on 2 electives amongst 8 choices. This has been a subject of much debate lately. 

Little miss Haana's original choices were orchestra and karate. My preference was art and karate. Why? Miss Haana is so good at art, if she doesn't have art an electives perhaps she would not have enough time in her week to practice art, and it will just fall to the side and be forgotten amongst busy school work. This and the fact that she has been part of an outside school orchestra since last year, one that is quite good. I don't want her to drop out of that one since it challenges her more,  so taking orchestra at school seems repetitive. I also wonder if it will be too simple for her; she's been playing violin for many years now and many other children will only now be picking up an instrument. 

Miss Haana wanted to take orchestra because many of her friends are taking it. Also it seems like a middle school thing to do, if you know what i mean! Elementary school didn't have a school orchestra. Initially she wanted to even drop the city orchestra she's been part of since last year. I was horrified at that possibility, so I talked to her violin teacher and had him convince her she should stay in the out-of-school orchestra regardless of what elective she takes at school. This strategy worked! 

Then i recruited Dad to talk her off the school orchestra ledge and choose art in stead. This was successful too, initially. She chose art and karate as her first 2 choices. 

But then, her friends who chose orchestra received emails from middle school to come for instrument fittings. And now little miss Haana wanted to choose orchestra again! All her friends were being so fancy going to instrument fittings! The orchestra room is so cool with instrument lockers! The school even has sound proof rooms for private practice. It must seem all so... grown up! So middle-school-y! 

Little miss Haana was very remorseful now. One day last week over dinner she was feeling really bad over all this. She wanted me to email the school and ask them if she can change her elective choices. I suggested it will be better if she wrote that email herself, it will indicate initiative on her part. And so did just that. She looked up and found the counsellors' email address, composed an email to request the change and sent it without asking for my help. Later she emailed the orchestra teacher too, and now we have a slot next week to go to the middle school with her violin. 

All is well in little miss Haana's world. And since she promised she will spend time every week on her art work at home, I'm cautiously optimistic! :)

What will you be when you grow up?

The other day we had company and Suhaana was asked 'What do you want to be once you grow up?'. It made me wonder..

When I was in middle and high school, parental pressure was rampant among my friends. I remember a distinct period when I used to feel the incredible weight of expectations and hope of parents riding on my report cards. Luckily for them, for the most part I was pretty serious about studies myself (I made up for it when I started bachelors, and realized I have to catch up for all the fun I'd been missing studying through high school!). So, their expectations became my own as well.

There was a brief stint in middle school when I thought I wanted to become a professional singer. My parents didn't really take my interest in music that seriously- it was just a hobby. My teacher at school was quick to point out (subtly I guess) that I don't really have that kind of talent to pull it off). Anyhow, that phase ended and I realized I need a real career.

Thinking back, I was wondering whether my expectations might ever be too much to bear for my little one. Even though I've always maintained I don't have any set expectations for her (we're talking about a new generation here, it's not like what I want will be relevant for our new generation kids!), do expectations have a way of creeping up without realizing?

Before Suhaana was born, Raj and I used to wonder what she'll be like. He hoped she be interested in sports so he can play with her. He dreams of being able to run around and play ball with her soon. Since he's good at sports, it's something he looks forward to: to share an interest with his child.

I want to enroll her in a music class when she's young; which she may or may not choose to continue depending on whether she cares for it or not.

I wondered, do these seemingly innocuous hopes and dreams transform into full blown heavy-weight expectations in time?
I hope not. I hope that we can continue hoping and dreaming for things, but still be open to alternative versions of what ultimately might become reality.