Calm Down

This post is out of sequence, but this story needs to be told. Last Friday was Suhaana's two month doctor's visit. I'd been counting days leading up to it like school kids count days left for final exams. She was to get her vaccinations in 3 shots and 1 oral drops. The last visit where she got 1 shot for Hepatitis B, had not gone very peaceful. She was pretty mad, and made no bones about letting it be known to all within a 100 yard radius. Her nurse had even commented that she's not in pain anymore, she's just mad. 'So who does she get her temper from, mom or dad?'. Raj and I looked at each other. I didn't want to admit it, and he did not want to be politically incorrect.

Anyhow, that was last month. And that was 1 shot. This was going to be 3 shots. And that time it was both Raj and me for the pediatrician's visit, this time it was going to be just me. It felt as much ad a test for me as it would've felt to her had she known or cared.

I packed 2 milk bottles good for two of her feedings and the pacifier, along with the usual diaper bag goodies and off we went. We'd just reached the doctor's office and Suhaana was still in the car seat that she started fidgeting and being just generally unhappy. I wondered did she remember the last visit? 'Of course not. But this wasn't going well and we're just getting started here.' I thought as her name was called by the nurse.

After the routine questions and weighing in by the nurse, the doctor arrived. And after the consultation, she explained what the usual side effects of the vaccine are. Basically we could expect possibly mild fever or achy legs which would then translate into fussiness.

The nurse came in with the vaccines. I singed an electronic form for consent to administer the vaccines and took a seep breath. She started with the oral vaccine. And then 2 shots in 1 leg and the third in another. Suhaana was all red in the face and crying at his point. In fact looking at the nurse jab the needles into her, I was sweating and almost wincing in pain myself. The nurse was asking me where I work and when I intend to go back to work. "Huh? Ahem. Umm" were my initial responses as I tried hard to focus on her conversation while looking at poor baby Suhaana cry in pain.

As soon as she was done, I picked the little girl up and pacified her. To my surprise, she was quiet almost as soon as I took her in my arms. I was expecting hours of crying and fussy spells. But here she was braving through it all with but a few minutes of crying. I was so proud of her!

As I put her back in the car seat and loaded the car seat in the car, I felt this wave of relief. I took Suhaana for a drive to calm her nerves. Quite possibly to calm mine as well!

Brand New Baby

My closest friend just had a baby boy. We went to the hospital to see him. Holding the newborn is my hands reminded me of the day when Suhaana was born:

It was an unplanned c section, and not without anxiety. But as I was lying on the OT under local anesthesia, I heard her first sound, a muffled cry initially. I looked at my husband Raj and his eyes just glowed in excitement. But I still hadn't seen her yet. Then, finally, I caught a glimpse of her as 3 nurses buzzed around her. She was crying out loud now, and Raj was hovering over her.

The moment when I first caught a brief glimpse of her is something I'll never forget. I felt such complete awe... Just absolute bliss. 'Oh my God, she's so unbelievably beautiful' - was my first thought. That brief moment is forever engraved in my memory. A moment of such absolute happiness and joy.

I waited in anticipation as the nurses did their initial tasks of cleanup and medications on her and Raj hovered like an excited school kid. Those few moments were perhaps the longest minutes of my life! I was still on the OT table when Raj did place her close to me. I just melted, she was so unbelievably tiny and cute.

When they were wheeling me to the room, the nurse was pushing my bed asked me if I was tired. I said 'no, I'm just so excited!'. I couldn't wait to hold little Suhaana in my hands again.

That first night, the entire night, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I couldn't sleep a wink all night, cause I couldn't bear closing my eyes and not seeing her. I was in such complete bliss, and so much in love!

And even today, every time I see her, I feel the same rush of crazy love emotion. Sometimes when she's fast asleep I plant huge kisses on her. She just twitches at the momentary annoyance and goes right back to sleep.