The other day, I was watching miss Haana as she was busy doing something. I was watching her from the side, looking at the profile of her face, her nose, mouth and chin. And I thought to my self, just how perfect she is, so wonderful, so beautiful, so amazing. Whenever I feel this way, which is quite often, I feel like wrapping her in a bubble wrap so I can keep her out of everyone's reach; and strapped on to me.
I also remembered the day when i first saw her face in a profile. I was far along in the pregnancy and was having a scheduled ultrasound. She was laying on her side, and i saw her face on the grainy monitor: we could clearly make out her forehead, nose, mouth, chin. It was surreal. But, that night i had a dream. I dreamt the little girl was born, but i couldn't find in my heart any love for her. She grew up loveless, uncared for, taking care of herself. And one day I was surprised (in the dream) to notice that she was now 5 years old and had glasses; and I hadn't even noticed or cared for her in all these years. I didn't love her, I didn't find her beautiful, I hardly even remembered her. I woke up with a start from the dream. And I cried. She shouldn't feel unloved, uncared for; I know how that feels. I hope I don't hurt her like that by being absent from her life. I hope both of us can see and feel in our hearts how amazing she is, how amazing she has always been. I cried for sometime and later blamed it on my wonky pregnancy hormones. But i still remember it clearly like yesterday.
Today, looking at her, i can't help feeling, my little baby (told her she will always be my little baby!), is absolutely, heart meltingly, gut wrenchingly, so completely - perfect!
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