First Name Umber

And then, after much waiting,  anticipation, some anxiety and planning, sweet boy Umber was born, and I was finally able to see him! Absolute delight! Happy birthday baby boy!

Good Luck

A little over a week ago, I was doing some last minute packing for the hospital. Trip to bring home the baby boy Umber. Inside my suitcase I packed along with other things, a few new clothes for the baby.

This hospital visit was to be unusual. Due to the latest pandemic of corona virus covid-19, hospital's visitation policy had changed and no visitors were allowed in the hospital anymore. No one under age of 16 could be inside the hospital. And for labour a and delivery, only 1 support person could be admitted, and that person could not leave the hospital for the duration of the patient's stay. This meant little miss Haana couldn't be at the hospital or see the baby till we got back home.

Little miss Haana was to go stay at her best friend Rushil's place with the ever so doting Ranjeeta aunty and Sai uncle. She was bummed about not seeing Umber at the hospital, but super stoked about spending time at Rushils'. Schools are closed due to covid-19, which translated into a little bit of homework and a whole lot of play in her future!

Meanwhile, I noticed little miss Haana had been fluttering around my suitcase and acting all mysterious. Finally I figured out why. She kept, hidden in my and Umber's clothes, good luck notes with virtual hugs for me, since she wouldn't be there herself. I wasn't supposed to discover the notes until I was at the hospital, but when I saw it, I instantly melted! My sweet girl is so very sweet!!

GD

So this pregnancy has been different in several ways from the last one. That is, as far as I remember, though it has been 8+ years.

The good thing this time around, is that I was much more active for most of my pregnancy. I had been regular in my running and workouts from before the pregnancy, and I decided for myself that as long as I'm not starting a whole new routine, I'm just going to keep on working out and running. I was able to continue running till my 5th month (although from running, it later became more of jogging, and then, it transitioned to slow jogging!). Even after I couldn't really run anymore, I was hiking in my 6th month, and camped with a dear friend in my 7th. I was walking a mile or more most days all the way till the 9th month. (I realize this is totally bragging, and yet somehow, it feels so good ;-D!)

Now outside of that, this time I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes (GD, or gestational diabetes is diabetes some pregnant women contract. It's due to placenta producing hormones that causes insulin resistance in the body, hence spiking blood sugar. If untreated it can be detrimental to the baby. There's also a higher incidence of women with GD developing diabetes later in life). I went through all the various stages of reactions:

First, there was disbelief. Surely they got this wrong, the next test will reveal it was all a mistake. (It didn't).
Next, it was anger. What do you mean I have GD! How can this be! I've been doing everything right (see previous paragraph). How is it possible!
Then, it was just sadness and being upset. Tears!! :-(( Why did this happen to me! Why!!
And then finally, at some point, it was acceptance. Fine, I can do this. It can be tackled. I got this!

By some stroke of luck or providence, as part of healthier eating, I had tried a low carb diet plan for a few months in the summer of last year. It was not easy, the first week I was hungry all the time. The second week onwards, though, I started getting better, and figuring out alternate foods and recipes that were low carb, healthy and tasty. Ironically, I gave up the diet right at the time when I got pregnant! But now that I needed to do low carb to keep GD in check, at least I knew what the alternate foods were. I knew already what would not work, and I didn't have to go through the discovery process; where you're at the grocery store in the snack aisle, looking through the labels in disbelief, thinking 'There's absolutely nothing I can eat here! Nothing!'. I was over that discovery hump :-)!

But unlike when I did low carb diet before pregnancy, for much of the 1st and 3rd trimester, I have been too tired and achy to do my cooking. Rajesh has taken over the mantle of getting low carb ingredients, cooking, meal planning; all of it! And I owe being able to stick with it entirely to him! Ever since I started tracking my sugar 4x a day, my blood sugar numbers, as per my doctor, have been outstanding, if I must say so myself :-P. But the credit goes to him entirely :).
He's the reason for my successful GD story. :)

Nicknames for Umber

Miss Haana and I came up with this list back in December and it didn't take us that much time either.

Just like her, he'll have to deal with a multitude of names, several of them on rotational basis! It's a parenting perk I use at ernest ;-).

It is a Boy

It must have been sometime late november or early december last year that I showed little miss Haana a picture of a sonogram.  With a profile of a baby's face, a grainy picture showing the baby 's arm and 1 leg. I was picking up little miss Haana from her after-school, and I had just gotten back from my doctor's appointment. I showed her the black and white grainy picture.

Little miss Haana asked me what it was and I told her, it's a baby! I pointed out the little face, the nose and chin, and arm and leg. Her face and eyes lit up! "Ohhh! You are pregnant? So your tummy is not just getting fat, there's a baby in there?". Hmm, not quite the wording I had been expecting, but i rolled with it and nodded.
"Ohh! I'm soo happy! I always wanted a sibling", she said and we hugged.
Then, the next question,  "Is it a boy or a girl?".
I said, "It's a boy".
"Aww", says miss Haana, "I wanted a sister".
'Ya right',  I thought, 'another one like her!'
But out loud I said, "But you know, boys are way easier to bully".
"Really?", she said, considering the possibility.
"Of course", I said, "Look at you. I've been trying to bully you for 8 years, and I haven't yet been successful!", keeping a straight face. Obviously i sold it well, cause after a moments' pause, miss Haana agreed, "Ya, that would work!  And also i'll be 8 years older than the baby, so the baby will need to listen to what i say!". I wanted to say that has not been my last 8 years of experience, but decided otherwise. Instead we talked about how excited we both were and how it was simply fabulous!!!

Fabulous it indeed is!

Enter Umber

I believe a human being, is a very special creation. S/He is not just a composite of mind and body; but contains within him/herself something of the beyond. Something that is beyond logic, something that cannot be decomposed into subsequent parts, something indefinable. I believe a human being is between an animal and God, containing within it, elements and possibilities of both.

And even more special is a child or a baby. So amazing and wondrous. When Miss Haana was born, I used to stare at her wide eyed, with wonder and awe. How can something so perfect and so amazing be for real! When she would sleep sometimes I watched her and wondered, how was it possible for something so perfect to exist in reality!

And while Miss Haana and I fight with remarkable regularity, the frequency of which has only increased over time; in my pensive moments, I feel blessed to be a parent. A love that has only grown deeper over time.

And now, Umber. A new baby boy. Due to be born end of march, 2020. Another gift of creation, unique and perfect in every way. And I feel doubly blessed.

Before little miss Haana was about to be born, I fretted about my ability to be a good mother, and a good parent. I agonized whether I would be able to love her wholeheartedly or would I project my expectations and prejudices on her. I have all those fears again about my ability to love Umber. All those fears have always about me and my ability to see the reality of how perfect the little baby really is. I hope most of all, that love reigns over.

Hiatus

What? It's been 6 months since I last blogged? Can't believe its been that long! There were many reasons for the hiatus, and at the same time, no reason at all.. It's one of those things that make sense while you're in it, but then you look back with some pespective and wonder 'why did i do that', you come back with no reasonable answers...

Anyhow we are here now. And while i can't possibly sum up 6 eventful months in 1 blog post, i do have some big time news.

Milestones of life are great at putting things in some perspective. I had my 40th birthday late last year. To say that I was comfortable about it would be very far from the truth. For months prior, i had been just ignoring the fact (the fact being, that I am growing old-er). I continued to look the other way, as if my acknowledgement or lack of it, made any difference to reality. But then, some good did came out of it all. A new wave of if-not-now-then-when hit me along with my 40th!

The sense that youth is fleeting, all the wonderous things of life -  moments with loved ones, a perfect afternoon laying on grass watching cotton puff clouds, walk in the park smelling flowers, moments of unbridled laughter on a silly joke, naughty games with my sweet little Haana; and all such life's little big moments - are all here now and may be gone tomorrow. If I don't live them now, then when shall I? If I don't take that vacation now, then when? If I don't experience this moment now, then when? If I don't have another child now, then when?

We, at least, need to acknowledge that all these things in life that we postpone to a more 'opportune' time, we may never actually do or experience them. And in some cases, it may be ok. For me, this was a revelation.